One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
