i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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