he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
