i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
