if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he laminated a picture of his dick.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
