the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
