I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
