I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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