No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
