4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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