What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
