What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
