So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We need to get me chipped asap
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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