About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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