now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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