never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
