Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
