Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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