he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
