I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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