I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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