East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
