woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
