But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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