Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
