When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dear god my vagina.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
