everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
