The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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