She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
