Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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