I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think my vagina is haunted
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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