I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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