Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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