Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
