Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
