I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
