Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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