Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
