I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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