I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
