I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
