No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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