I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
