nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
