someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
