why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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