sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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