You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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