He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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