I think i sorta joined a cult last night
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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